Where has this site been?

[keyhan]

I've been looking for a site like this, It would've made my life a lot easier if I found it sooner...well I have a story to tell if anyone wants to hear it.. My life has always been somewhat of a crazy story. I've always been a loner mostly because I've never been a social butterfly lmao. I wasn't ever fully socially developed from a lack of attention as a kid. At the age of 11, I smoked my first cigarette stealing it out of my father's pack of Marlboro lights, my parents never paid attention enough to even notice. At the age of 12, I became majorly depressed, I failed most of my classes throughout middle school, had no friends; and everyday after school I would lay in bed until I fell asleep, skipping dinner most nights. That continued for the rest of my middle school years. The summer of 8th grade, I had a buddy who wanted to go skateboarding with me, and we went out everyday; it was nice not being alone all of the time, he was the one person who got me out of bed. We didn't do drugs during this time, but one day got a little adventurous and we decided to explore this somewhat abandoned barn like building alongside the train tracks. The doors were wide open on both ends, all of the windows were shot out, or never had any, it had rails going through the middle making me think it might've been used for train carts or something along those lines. That's when it all started...Soon enough, we started entering more buildings, or so call maybe not abandoned buildings but no one was present... We vandalized those pretty badly, finding spray paint, welding masks, and fire extinguishers...We got into these building by climbing the to roof usually, finding a latch or window to break into. One time we found metal canisters of a clear flammable liquid in a building we decided to stay the night in, on the town's square. About 3 or 4 am when no one was going to be in the square, behind the building we poured the liquid on the concrete and set it a light...The fire extinguisher wouldn't put it out, but it quickly burned, and black smoke covered the entire square for about 5 mins, still amazed to this day that no one came.. However our luck was bound to end, we knew and had many thoughts about stopping but the rush of it got the best of us, that November, we were both arrested at gunpoint at the age of 14, we were maniacs, and kids just having fun.. but that ended our partnership, 2 weeks in juvenile detention, 6 months house arrest, and 3ish years probation.. I was back on my own after that, going through court with my father telling me how little he thought of me, not even being able to leave the house.. It got to me, especially after losing the one person I could talk to..Once again I was depressed at the age of 15, lonely and whatever. 1st girlfriend cheated on me, after I lossed my virginity. I treated her so well that she came literally crying back about a week or two later calling me on the phone, telling me how abusive her boyfriend was; I just told her "no" being humble enjoying every word hearing her cry, she begged me again about 2 days later, and I told her how much of a piece of shit she was, she said she was sorry for everything and just and left me alone. Best feeling in the fucking world getting some sort of win out of that. Admittedly I still fell back into this fucked up depression though. I had some therapy for a while but I just enjoyed talking not really opening up, I was prescribed adhd medication and stopped going to therapy. It wasn't until December I started cutting, but it wasn't really my thing... 16th birthday I found someone to buy acid off of and he became somewhat of a friend, he watched over me as I had a pretty good time...at the end of January I started to skip sleeping, I was pulling an all nighter probably every other night, then it became every 2-3 nights only getting 4 hours of sleep when I did, all the way to the first week of that April, where I stayed up for a week straight, and by the end of that week I had experienced quite a few auditory and visual hallucinations, experiencing micro-sleeps and what have you...but that week I met a girl, I could tell she thought I was cute and I asked her out that Friday and she said yes and convinced me to finally go to sleep...She kinda saved me from myself, and for the 5 months we were together I kinda fell in love with her.. but she was majorly depressed. When we broke up we both crying dramatic high school love bs, it was tough though.. soon I finally got off probation and started smoking weed with my acid contact. a couple months later I landed myself in a psych-ward. I wasn't sleeping, barely eating, and blacked out for 2 days after losing my mind taking too many drugs.That psych-ward gave me some time to think about my life, and I was written a prescription to treat bipolar; and soon I left with worried parents who were better late than never ig. That didn't last forever, but ig having an IV in my arm was close enough to death to be worried about it, but my time spent in there was worth something... I'm 17 now, almost 18.. I smoke weed once in a blue moon, sleep most nights, read everyday, code as much as I can, and try to treat myself well. I'm still a loner, but you just got to enjoy the little things you know? and knowing I have a whole life to live after that is pretty fucking crazy, and I'm grateful for it. I'm probably one of the most reasonable people you'll ever meet, I don't judge you for who you are because I got that all of that on my plate, we might carry different beliefs but we're all human, I'll listen before I speak. I'm never afraid to admit that i'm wrong, or that I've fucked up because I've done it too many times to count. I know I fucked up, but at least I've learned from it. Maybe you'll look down on me, or maybe you'll read behind the lines, but it is definitively far from normal and If you've made it this far thank you, and with everything that I've done, hopefully I can meet a few of you. I have many sides but this is the way I choose to tell... First post, You'll be seeing 19 more somewhere. Feel free to ask or tell me what you think
Edited by VestalNovo, 22 October 2019 - 05:13 AM.