kojima
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In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference.
People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply ânot give a fuck.â Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like âOh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesnât give a fuck.â Or âDid you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.â Or âJason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasnât going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.â Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own âdidnât give a fuckâ hall of fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.
SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK DOES NOT MEAN BEING INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS
BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT
When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms.
This is misguided. Thereâs absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. Theyâre couch potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.
My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.
But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, âNo, screw that, mom. Weâre going to lawyer the fuck up and go after this asshole. Why? Because I donât give a fuck. I will ruin this guyâs life if I have to.â
This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, âDamn, watch out, Mark Manson just donât give a fuck,â we donât mean that Mark Manson doesnât care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that Mark Manson doesnât care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesnât care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write about himself in third person and use the word âfuckâ in an article 127 different times just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He just doesnât give a fuck.
This is what is so admirable â no, not me, dumbass â the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who donât give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know itâs right. They know itâs more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs. They say âFuck it,â not to everything in life, but rather they say âFuck itâ to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. And an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.
People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply ânot give a fuck.â Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like âOh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesnât give a fuck.â Or âDid you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.â Or âJason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasnât going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.â Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own âdidnât give a fuckâ hall of fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.
LoadingâŚ
markmanson.net
BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT
When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms.
This is misguided. Thereâs absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. Theyâre couch potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.
My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.
But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, âNo, screw that, mom. Weâre going to lawyer the fuck up and go after this asshole. Why? Because I donât give a fuck. I will ruin this guyâs life if I have to.â
This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, âDamn, watch out, Mark Manson just donât give a fuck,â we donât mean that Mark Manson doesnât care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that Mark Manson doesnât care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesnât care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write about himself in third person and use the word âfuckâ in an article 127 different times just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He just doesnât give a fuck.
This is what is so admirable â no, not me, dumbass â the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who donât give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know itâs right. They know itâs more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs. They say âFuck it,â not to everything in life, but rather they say âFuck itâ to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. And an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.
LoadingâŚ
markmanson.net