PBKVenomz
Counter-Surveillance Specialist
2
MONTHS
2 2 MONTHS OF SERVICE
LEVEL 1
300 XP
Sometimes it just feels like - i should've been better - made different choices -
When i was trying to make businesses and i give up - when i had the choose of waking up/going to sleep right - eating properly - drinking water - if i just did those 3 things right - my life would be completely different for the better...but i can't change the fact that I've done all that i've done...
I just wish y'know - that i had been strong enough to overcome some of my challenges - like - making money from nothing - being compassionate when i had not one shred of emotional strength to withstand the tide of agonizing self hatred i struggle with inside of me - i regret that sometimes the most out of all things - it would've been so free-ing - to be able to just be compassionate - but my feelings of vengeance and resentment always come up first -
I know im only human but - it seems like i should aspire to be more - and i live with so much regret - that i wasn't able to live up to my aspirations in so many ways -
I always wanted to be the guy that could - make the right decisions - like financially, pay my debt off, build my credit, invest save - relationships be able to fulfill someone's needs completely - to become cherished and adored by a woman for my contributions to her existence - needed - wanting to give me everything she has so we can be together always - building up small businesses - like refunding or graphic design - all these things - ALL OF THESE THINGS THAT IM CAPABLE OF DOING - but that i haven't done
They stay with me - and i resent myself about it over and over and over again - every time i see it - they become just a constant reminder that i made bad choices
Such a reminder - that, when i finally start to succeed - it's almost like my accomplishments are meaningless because i never accomplished what matters - struggling and overcoming that struggle the way other great men i admire have done - idk why i wanna be like them and do what they've done - im sure to some degree i've just imagined it - but i look up to a lot of the guys on c.to and in real life and when i imagine what there lives are like and i can't measure up to them it makes me feel worthless and meaningless :[
When i was trying to make businesses and i give up - when i had the choose of waking up/going to sleep right - eating properly - drinking water - if i just did those 3 things right - my life would be completely different for the better...but i can't change the fact that I've done all that i've done...
I just wish y'know - that i had been strong enough to overcome some of my challenges - like - making money from nothing - being compassionate when i had not one shred of emotional strength to withstand the tide of agonizing self hatred i struggle with inside of me - i regret that sometimes the most out of all things - it would've been so free-ing - to be able to just be compassionate - but my feelings of vengeance and resentment always come up first -
I know im only human but - it seems like i should aspire to be more - and i live with so much regret - that i wasn't able to live up to my aspirations in so many ways -
I always wanted to be the guy that could - make the right decisions - like financially, pay my debt off, build my credit, invest save - relationships be able to fulfill someone's needs completely - to become cherished and adored by a woman for my contributions to her existence - needed - wanting to give me everything she has so we can be together always - building up small businesses - like refunding or graphic design - all these things - ALL OF THESE THINGS THAT IM CAPABLE OF DOING - but that i haven't done
They stay with me - and i resent myself about it over and over and over again - every time i see it - they become just a constant reminder that i made bad choices
Such a reminder - that, when i finally start to succeed - it's almost like my accomplishments are meaningless because i never accomplished what matters - struggling and overcoming that struggle the way other great men i admire have done - idk why i wanna be like them and do what they've done - im sure to some degree i've just imagined it - but i look up to a lot of the guys on c.to and in real life and when i imagine what there lives are like and i can't measure up to them it makes me feel worthless and meaningless :[