Five years ago today, my best friend died.

[MrRegime]

Five years sense I lost one of my best friends. We became friends a little after he moved into my neighborhood. He was always rambunctious, always wanting to do something, to see the world, to feel the world. We would go camping together, explore abandon buildings together, we even fist fought over a girl at school and took a 10 day suspension. Yet, throughout all that, we still remained friends. We respected each other, due to the fact that we watched each other grow. We grew from annoying, immature young boys to strong willed, open minded young men, each helping each other through the woes of life. We shaped each other, not completely, but I've always believed a little piece of me was in his character and a little piece of him was structured into my character. Two separate people entwined in each others lives.
A few months prior to his death, he called me to tell me he was in town for a short time. It was kind of short noticed and I had made plans with my other friends to go to another city and go clubbing their. He was cool with it, but made me promise we would hang out on his birthday sense he was going to be in town around that time. Unfortunately he died four days before his birthday. I've always blamed myself because of it. I was and still am completely ashamed of myself. His funeral came around and I couldn't get myself to go. I felt scared and vulnerable, and it seems to be the only thing in my life that I couldn't face. I simply felt like I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye. I didn't want to believe it. I still don;t and my biggest regret is that I've never said goodbye.
He died doing one of the things he loved doing, during a motorcycle accident. An accident I wished never happened. The worst part about losing a best friend at a young age is that it makes you aware of your own mortality. It completely changed my entire aspect on how I viewed life...and I hated it. Five years have passed, and it still tugs at me, every damn day. I believed it was a curse that I would never be able to shake from my life, but eventually I started to realize that it was just one last thing that Justin taught me. Through his death, I've learned to appreciate friendships more, my family more, the general well being of others around me. Not only was I aware of my own mortality, I was aware of others as well. I appreciate being around people more now. I love hearing about their adventures and their opinions, just because one day, I know I won;t be able to hear them again. I hug people more now, I let people know more now that miss them, that I love them. He taught me to appreciate life through the death of his. It is a lesson that will always be etched onto my heart. I think I'm ready to say my peace to him, to say goodbye to an old friend and to thank him for one of the greatest impacts on my life and for the memories he gave me and for simply making me a better person.
Idk why I wrote it this here, but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for anyone who listened.