So a few weeks ago I had an urgent refferal to ENT and for an MRI on my neck because of a swollen tonsil. I stupidly googled this and the top result was tonsil cancer. I stopped smoking Straight away, cold turkey. 20 plus a day to zero. I was having all manner of anxieties, intrusive thoughts. how do I explain to my family that Ive done this to myself? How do I explain to my kids that I may be dying and that it was my fault? I was vividly imagining the worst possible scenarios. going for treatments, my body withering, my ultimate demise. simple things like. how would my family cope without me to refill the boiler, or reboot the internet, or change the tv channels? I started becoming very aware of how I impact others. Thankfully my results have come back clear and it was merely scar tissue from a past tonsilitis infection, but any time I get the desire to smoke I remind myself of how frantic I was a few weeks ago and that was as a result of smoking. There is no greater motivator to make changes than that of our awareness of our mortality. also on the upside ive learned to appreciate the smallest things that I often took for granted a lot more now. I am still withdrawing from nicotine I think though, as as i write this there is a constant tap tap from my youngest son bouncing on the landing and its starting to piss me off a bit.